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Friday, May 11, 2012

Competitive Parenting


Normally I am glad to see positive images of breastfeeding moms in the mainstream media.
It drives me nuts when I hear about a mom and child who are forced to cover up, hide in a closet, or even justify their public nursing session. I don't care if nipples are covered or how old the child is, I am sure that a screaming hungry little one would be more of a distraction to bystanders.
It's not the TIME photo that bothers me at all, its the headline. "Are you Mom enough?". Since when is parenting a competition?
I would hope that all parents are doing their best and making decisions that will benefit their child rather than striving to be more anything than the neighbor next door.
I guess the dialogue is good. Its nice to see attachment parenting discussed and rationalized. This cover certainly brought the concept to the forefront. I just balk at the need to engage in a game of "parenting chicken", competing to see who can push controversy the farthest.
I nursed my first baby for about 9 months, then he was done. Number two went 23 months and number three was 28 months old. All three of them stopped when THEY were ready, as was my intention.
 I don't usually share those numbers with new moms. Since I know that breastfeeding is important, I encourage the moms I know to give it a try. If they can nurse for 6 days, 6 weeks, 6 months or 6 years they will have given their children the best possible nutrition. Even the moms who try and fail, and I have know some of those as well, are doing what is best for their child. Being secure in the knowledge that you have done everything in your power to provide for your child IS what is best.
By creating a competitive mood around parenting we are sending the message that as individual parents none of us is "good enough". Its not like a business. Parents don't improve their love-giving or life-shaping abilities through competition but rather through cooperation. I have learned a lot from the moms I know, I value their expertise, and I recognize that although we may not do everything the same way, they have much to teach me and I have much to share.
Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms, you ARE "mom enough" what ever your parenting style!

Check out this response:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-belkin/no-i-am-not-mom-enough_b_1507550.html