Parent Talk

You may have noticed that I tend to be concise in my writing. No beating around the bush for me! I talk the same way, and I have had to work at being tactful and conscious of the way I sound. Mostly, I think of this as a asset and I have come to enjoy using and understanding semantics in various contexts. Since this doesn't come naturally to me, I underestimated the power of phrasing and tone in parenting. 

If you have ever spent time in a preschool classroom you will notice that the best teachers have a particular way of speaking. At first I thought it was strange that "feet on the floor" was better that "no climbing" and "no hitting" was replaced with "please use gentle hands". It felt like too many words and not enough direct action. As I have learned more about early childhood education, I have learned that too many words can be calming and that children tend to miss the words "no" or "don't" before a command, sometimes resulting in an increase of the behavior. Even if, like me, you sometimes don't realize how you come across, using the suggestions in this book can increase the likelihood of your child hearing what you actually mean.

Once I learned how to talk to toddler without a power struggle or tears, I realized how much more relaxing daily life can be. It works so well, I often use the same tactics with my middle school students. The language is a little different, but the intent is the same. Rather than expressing anger, describing the problem and explicitly teaching the more appropriate behavior is more effective and keeps your blood pressure down! 

Instead of yelling at a classroom of noisy students, I have learned to say, "In this classroom we need to be sitting quietly in our seats, ready to learn when the bell rings. Susie, can you show us what that looks like please? Carlos, tell me what you will do when you come into the classroom tomorrow. Thank you! Lets all practice this right now." This takes longer than " QUIET!" but it is more effective and sets a much better tone for all the interactions that follow. I worried that older children would feel patronized by my "early childhood language", but I have found that the opposite is true. They appreciate a calm and rational request and the opportunity to self correct.

Parent Talk gives a series of commonly used parenting phrases, both useful and harmful and elaborates on the effectiveness and rationale for each. Every page gives another example, making this an easy to read resource that can be returned to again and again. Anecdotes are used to describe the reason for the specific phrase and its impact on the parent, child and family relationships.The author shows how mutual respect and clear expectations can build a child's confidence and strengthen the family bond. 

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